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"I Love My Living Gay Son!"

Friday, 15 March 2013

I Like It - Foxy Shazam (mp3)

Rob Portman:
"I didn't mind condemning and hating all
of your gay children until I found out
about my son. And by 'hating' I don't
mean actively. I just mean I was happy
they were going to hell."
Rob Portman, I hope you go back in time and kick your own ass.

Apparently I'm supposed to admire you for being the first active Republican politician in Washington to take an open stand in favor of gay marriage. Apparently this makes you, in the eyes of many, a trailblazer and a hero.

You're neither, you self-interested egotistical ass-clown.

Lemme lay out the story of your "conversion," and you correct me on whatever part I get wrong.

A year ago, you're a homophobic bigot who opposes gay marriage. You use the Bible as your defense for this stance, one of millions of "Christians" who insist gays are going to hell. Then BAM! Your son comes out of the closet. At this personal crisis point in your life, you  realize that you must either accept that your son, according to your beliefs, is going to hell and is an impure and immoral being, or you must readjust your take on Christianity. You decide God might actually love queers, too, and you also decide being in favor of gay marriage is suddenly about freedom for all American citizens.

Best I can tell, all you did, Robbie, was wake up and cover your own ass. You switched sides because it's convenient for your family.

The Republican Party
My biggest problem with how our politics and political system works is and has always been how deeply rooted in self-interest it is. A huge chunk of the Democratic Party consists of a menagerie of smaller groups all fighting for themselves or their singular cause. Groups based on racial identity and unions and the elderly and trial lawyers, all a part of the party because it's looking out for their little niche interests.

Republicans are in many ways more annoying because their selfishness is even more naked and aggressive. My guns. My income. My religion. My country. Republicans remind me of those seagulls in "Finding Nemo" who spend the entire film barking "MINE MINE MINE MINE!"

Rob Portman's "stance" in favor of gay marriage isn't about doing what's right. He's not standing up for freedom or equality or fairness. The ground of MINE MINE MINE shifted underneath him the minute his son was born, but Portman apparently only discovered the shift two years ago. I'm betting his son had to announce it in a family press conference to even get his father's attention.

This is a hero.
Once Portman became aware of his son's "perversion," Rob's self-interests mutated. He was forced to move from selfishly "protecting the family unit from the scourge of homos" to selfishly "protecting my son's rights as an American" and selfishly "hoping God lets my son go to heaven."

Portman never once stopped shouting "MINE!" It's still all about him.

Rob Portman is a better man for making this change than he would be for banishing his son from his sight, packing up his son's possessions and placing them on the curb and closing his heart to the boy. So, congrats, Rob. You're an almost-decent human being for loving and accepting your gay son. But being almost-decent doesn't make you my hero. You'd be my hero if you'd made this change of heart like Jon Huntsman, who did so not because any of his 42 daughters is gay, but because he knows it's the right thing to do. Not for himself. Not for anyone in his family. Not become there's some secret branding strategy in it, or some fiscal reward for betting on the better team. But for our country, for all people, for justice.

That's heroic.

Sadly, that's also probably why Huntsman was out of the Presidential race before the damn starter gun went off.

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